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| I cant handle all of this anymore. I have seriously just broken down. Ifeel like crying non stop anymore and i am feeling like i cant do anything right anymore. What the heck do i have to do in this life to make it so i can actually be happy. Yes i am happy with jess and everything, but there is even times that i feel like i am being pressured to fo things. Like this whole religous bit, I understand that he wants me to but its not me. Then mom and dad are not making things any better. Dad has been yelling at me being on the computer to much and i really dont care you know ... maybe if he would let me out of this prison of a house. i would be able to do things with my friends.
that is my life again.
]Cheryl | | |
| ok this is so fucking messed up.. ok i know i havnt really caused latly but i have been so stressed and everythign i still feel like shit i have a comp. tomorrow and with everythignt that is going on at home things have been rough. Mom and i and dad dont exactly see eye to eye on a lot of things and it has got to be al ittle hard.. I think that if Brian and i just dont talk things could be better yet eorse all at the sme time. I really just dont know what to think im just one big mess thats ait.. i think.
Ok well thats all back to the usual C*****G
Jezz | | |
| I cant freakin beleive it Dustin did use me.. Its typical i mean i find a guy that i really care about and everything and he uses me. He only wanted one thing and not saying if he got it or not but still i am so pissed about it bur more then anything i am so hurt. I didnt really cry last night but today when Brittany asked what was a matter and i told her i just started balling my eye's out. I hate this and i hate him. I dont want anything to do with him he is a prick im sorry Brittany if you rad this and think any differently about him... but its the way that i feel about him.. but i mean he did really hurt me. Dustin all i have to say is that you are a Jerk (nice way of saying it) I hate you and everything about what ever happend. I regret everythign that i did for you and evertyhing else. I am scared emotionally for a while i dont know how you can say all of this but you did and you know what... I WAS RIGHT!!!!! You used me didnt get what you want.. wait yea you did and then you leave me like a peice of trach.. Everythign you said to me was a lie its rediculas You said i was beautifull and everything else you know the usual Im sweet, nice, caring and all that lieing shit i mean come on do you blame me for feeling like that..um no. You know what who ever reads this i am sorry for what you had to read but yea its all true. I may go schedule a meeting with the Matrix tonight and hopefully i can get in soon.
Well thats it for now Going to continue to cry..... and maybe more later | | |
| OMG I am so freaking sick of all this shit. I ended up getting off line last night with Dustin and I started to cry and I was thinking about cutting and things and I mean I was really enjoying it. I started to go upstairs to the 2nd floor and fill my sick with hot water when I realized that I had to take a shower anyways so I turned on the shower and made it rather hot like ouch, burning, steaming hot but it felt so good softening up my skin and everything... I then started to glide the blade against my arm and think to myself that this is it not one guy/ girl in this world is going to care... every time I do this the thing that always stops me is my lil sis and this time she didn’t even enter my mind I kept on pushing her out. So I started scraping arm right along the veins (on the right side of it on the left arm) and I ended up starting to bleed not sterilizing the blade or anything... the blade wasn’t blood at all because of the water, but I saw the brown coloration of the blood dripping down the water and I broke down and just sat in the shower I dropped the blade and cut my leg it hurt yes but it felt so good to let out all of the pain and you know what I don’t care what Dustin or any of them think you know Brian and my parents at some moments are the only ones that understand me and I am sick of it so much I mean I cant handle off this shit plus school guys ruin your lives for fun its like it is a game for them and that’s all.. Well I’m off for now don’t want to in any more trouble with this site. | | |
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